Typical travel agent. A typical Russian tourist abroad. Insist on royal service
The nature of power is incomprehensible. He quietly drives his followers crazy and deprives his guests of their sanity. Mostly, crowds of ill-mannered cattle come to the protected areas of the “Green Town”. The worst representatives of the Russian. They do not know the basic rules of politeness, they forget to say “thank you,” “hello,” “good evening,” “sorry, I was wrong.” But the guests perform well in scandals, drunken brawls and theft of hotel property. After particularly ugly scenes, in rare cases they are even capable of emphatically unctuous politeness.
A proper tourist from Meshchanburg follows a certain code of honor of a real Russian “packer”. I am publishing it here so that even those who did not know will correct themselves in time and in the future spend their holidays abroad strictly within the framework of the code.
Always ask to change your number
Do this under any circumstances. The highest score is throwing the keys at the reception desk without even looking at the room.
Shows demanding a change of number in “Justik” happened every day. At such moments it was hot in the lobby. The needs of holidaymakers are very diverse, and the matter does not end with just a “sea view”:
- Give me the first floor! I can't ride the elevator - I faint!
- I can’t live on the first floor - it’s like living in a basement!
- The furniture in my room is white. This is a mental hospital! I can't live there! For two years, with my husband who has cancer, I have been wandering around hospitals, my nervous system can’t stand it!
- The room is smoky to the point of disgrace!
- I want to go to the bungalow!
- I want to go to the main building!
Train hotel staff on their jobs
It's your duty. After all, you know better the professional responsibilities of each hotel employee.
One day, an elderly husband and wife, both red-skinned and inadequate, showed up at the reception. The husband began his speech:
- Why don’t you have a badge? What is your name? Why is there such noise and chaos at half past one in the morning? They interfere with sleep, because there are children. Do you take any measures or is this normal at your hotel? In normal hotels, such vacationers are expelled the next morning.
(He was not entirely fair: In “Justik”, when they wanted, they could get rid of it very quickly).
The corpulent madam tried to insert her two cents into her husband’s monologue, but he cut her off with the words:
- So! I said shut up! I will talk!
As a result, she got offended and left, and we had to calm down the disgruntled guest:
- We will tell the security, they will take action.
Blame the front office for your mistakes.
You don't have to think. Let those girls in uniform do it for you.
A drunk guest came up to me - he came to Justik with his little son - and said:
- My child fell asleep in my room, and he had the key. Can't you open the door?
I began to explain that I needed to wait for the bellboy, who would take me to the door with a spare key. The subject, who had been fairly smitten (in fact, he devoted his entire vacation to libations), instantly boiled from zero to a hundred degrees:
- How so? What kind of orders are these? I can not wait! This is your mistake!
- My? Was it me who left my son alone in the room?
- You can't open the door for me!- he yelled, turning purple.
Bellboy came running and took the brawler away with him.
The next day, the priest of Bacchus crawled half-bent and soberly apologized:
- Sorry about yesterday.
Don't thank for help - just demand rudely
You pay for everything here, and they are obliged to serve you. Why say “thank you” to the servants?
Two typical bourgeois women. One is a brawler - an ordinary Russian woman of about 55 years old with a short haircut, tasteless make-up, in a simple dress - screaming passionately at the guest relations counter. The second - a person of unknown age and slurred diction - rubs nearby. Auntie yells:
- My toilet doesn't flush! This is my third time applying! We can't go to the toilet!!!
- Okay, now I’ll inform the service technician.
- I already reported three times!!!- our madam squeals.
- I don’t know who you reported to, I’m talking to you for the first time and now I’ll try to solve your problem.
- That's horrible! There is no such thing anywhere! How long have we been! Is this five stars?!
I say, “Yes,” and in their presence, I persistently ask the technicians to sort out the closet. I know for sure that they fixed the toilet. Do you think I heard “thank you”? On the contrary, the scandalous person found new reasons for complaint when the priority problem was resolved.
The controversial tourist is always dissatisfied.
Insist on royal service
You've been saving money for this trip for a whole year. You deserved.
A flock of glamorous fifas has moved into the Justiliano Hotel. The whole group flew up to the counter, and the one who was their leader demanded:
- I have a Birthday. I want a birthday. I want attention, I want to be congratulated, like everyone else, in the restaurant(the author's approach to the Russian language has been preserved).
- Have you applied for table decoration and ordering a cake?
- Yes, I wrote to you, I wrote three months ago that it was my birthday!
- But you must notify a day in advance what you want, order a table and a cake.
- What is this? Is this five stars? I submitted everything three months ago!- and Fifa bulged her painted eyes.
Okay, no problem, we make her a table after the fact, order a cake, demand payment, and in response we hear:
- Do you have to give the money right away? Can we celebrate and eat this cake first?!
Take everything that is bad from the hotel
All Russians steal. It's in your blood. And then taking it from a hotel is not even theft, you paid for everything, dumped in the money you had accumulated over the year, so don’t let them rock the boat.
She worked the morning shift with Marishka, sold rooms during peak hours, met mass arrivals, deftly juggled Russian cervelat and condensed milk, duty-free liqueurs, room keys and crisp dollars. She told the rest of the select few about the incident that happened on her shift.
It's hard to remember now how rumors about a certain controversial guest leaked into the lobby, but one way or another, stunning details surfaced, and the whole hotel began to buzz.
- We went to her room to figure it out,- said the shocked Lika. - We opened the suitcase, and taaam..! Girls, you have no idea! Our sheets, towels, pique*..! Various glasses from bars, spoons, forks, everything you can from restaurants! But this is bullshit! A packet of boiled eggs..! A bag of toilet paper! And sugar!!! Five kilos of refined sugar! Like this?! I asked her: “How did you take it all?”, and she: “Well, I put a little bit in my pocket every day... So what? My children eat sugar!” P@deets..! To what extent do you have to stoop to steal sugar from a hotel for children? Five kilograms!
Details of the outrageous incident also reached the front office of manager Omer Bey. He then smiled and joked as usual, but suggested a way to reason with the grasping reflex of the impudent madam:
- Threaten her, if she continues to steal, on the day of departure, the security staff and I will open her suitcases right in the middle of the lobby, we will disgrace her in front of other guests.
We managed without extreme measures.
In a restaurant, take three times more than you can eat.
Like rule one, this is not even discussed. - sacred for a real Russian tourist.
Hotels usually offer very large, flat plates. Almost trays. The hand itself reaches out to fill them to the top.
Guests of the Justiliano Hotel boldly approached the serving tables. Many showed up at the restaurant doors half an hour before the start of the meal to grab the best dishes. It seems that an energy well was opening in the eating area. A hole into which streams of power poured, sucking in every unwary tourist. The raging magic was grounded in the restaurant. Well-fed faces, flushed in the sun, began to shine, their eyes became nightingale, and their mouths, by inertia, continued to chew the mixture of all-inclusive dishes.
At Justik, almost no one could handle the huge trays.
But the average tourist of the “Green Town” was always ready to treat himself to an additional portion of alcohol.
Once again.
And further.
Sometimes those who had not drunk enough would come to the guest relations counter and ask:
- Can you tell the bar to pour several glasses of wine/beer into this bottle for us at once? Otherwise we are sitting on the beach - it’s a long way to run for a new glass all the time.
Mention your social status more often
The hotel staff will immediately understand that you are not to be trifled with and will serve you at the highest level.
One such resourceful guy came up to the counter and started complaining. Alcohol was doing its job, the little man’s tongue was loosening:
- Do you know where I work? In the international company "Ragulonic". You haven't even heard of her! Laser cutting! I hardly ever go to Russia, I’ve seen so many hotels, but what you have here isooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooplatformsable you can find in Russia I don't go to Russia, I've seen so many hotels, but here you have it!
It turned out that this specimen came from Togliatti, where our Lika is from. She quickly promised to change his room, asking in return to take his mother a phone charger.
The next evening, a Ragulonika employee showed up at the reception, drunk and yelled:
- I declare that a case with important company documents worth seven million euros was stolen from my room!!!
Apparently, this is how he wanted to attract attention. The brawler succeeded: Omer Bey spoke to him, and the guards nursed him.
When the guest, having sobered up, reminded Lika about the charger. “Fystyk” answered with a sense of dignity:
- I don't think I'll give it to you NOW.
Leave the child alone in the room
And hope that he will cope with any unforeseen situations himself.
Receptionist Vera flew up to the guest relations counter with round eyes:
- There, a seven-year-old boy called from his room, his parents left him alone, there is no key, he wants to go to the toilet, but is afraid to go because it’s dark in there!
Ivanna Gagauzka and I rushed to the Turkish receptionists - they say, give us a spare key for electricity, let's go help the guy out. They replied that there was no trace of the key.
- We need to do something - he’ll wet himself!- Vera panicked.
Here the undaunted bellboy Ahid rushed into the abyss of what was happening:
- Let's go knock on the room, kanka**!
We ran to the third bungalow, to “Violet”. They knocked. The sleepy, burnt face of a guy about 26 years old stuck out of the door. Out of shock, I began to confusingly explain our invasion:
- Uh... the reception received a call that you had a boy left alone in the dark...
- No, it’s not ours,- the guest smiled.
We knocked on the next room, where we were greeted by the whole friendly family with a happy boy at the head: he finally carried the contents to the toilet on time. The confused nannies and mothers reassured me - they say, everything is fine, there is nothing to worry about. And I thought: “Why the hell are you leaving a child alone? Who knows what might happen? Should you have your head on your shoulders or not?”
Pass off your “wants” as the whims of your children
The hotel workers are stupid and will not understand that you are lying, but the mention of the young tourist generation is guaranteed to melt their hearts, and they will immediately give you a better room.
Hotel guests are very creative when they do not want to pay extra for comfort, intending to get it “for free”. For the sake of the goal of checking into a “higher room with a sea view”, everything comes into play: “heart disease”, “blood pressure”, “asthma”, “this is my first trip abroad”, “we came to celebrate my mother’s anniversary / wedding anniversary” , “you always have free rooms.”
Vacationers with children immediately throw heavy artillery into battle. One hysterical mother returned to the lobby about ten minutes after receiving the keys. I knew that they were given a really bad room: in the seventh building, on the first floor, damp and dark.
Madame was in an excited state and immediately went on the offensive:
-Have you actually seen this number? There's mold on the walls! My child came into the room, saw her and started screaming!
For reference: her child looked about four years old. As practice shows, even older children rarely pay attention to the decoration of their rooms: give them a swimming pool, squealing and splashing, sea, sun and an inflatable mattress.
Drink yourself to death and risk your life
We live only one at a time, in essence.
At night, an emergency happened in the paradise of the “Green Corner”. Sasha, returning from the night shift, said in a frightened whisper:
- In our bungalow, from “Magnolia”, where we lived before the hotel opened, a woman fell from the balcony. She was very drunk. The gendarmes arrived, Omer Bey, Necdet Bey - everyone was there. She was taken away and is now in the hospital. The husband started yelling at his eldest daughter for not following her mother. Horror.
This may sound cruel, but I don't feel sorry for her at all. Nothing can justify rampant drunkenness. Nothing. Even ol inclusive, even with brains forgotten at home. This is just the height of idiocy.
The girls felt sorry for her.
The tourist was taken to intensive care with broken cervical vertebrae, and the hospital then charged her an astronomical bill for treatment. But we know that it does not cover cases that occurred while intoxicated.
***
In regular battles with the Army of Darkness, fragile front-desk workers are transformed into harsh Valkyries, capable of mythological feats in the name of the peace of Omer Bey. They become covered with a shell day by day. Tempered like steel. They become practically invulnerable.
Beware, people with buffets instead of brains.
* pique - thin bedspread
** Turkish decomposition kanka - friend, friend
Tourists in Spain are immediately noticeable: they certainly stand out because they have a backpack on their shoulders, the desire to photograph everything and their ignorance of the intricacies of the Spanish mentality. Of course, compared to the calm locals during siesta, visitors look fussy and become “victims” of tourist traps or violate generally accepted rules. How to have an authentic cultural experience in Spain and avoid common mistakes?
Take a closer look at the daily routine of local residents
The Spaniards are known for their unusual eating habits. Moreover, this “unusuality” is manifested not in what you eat, but in when you eat. They try to have a modest breakfast between 7-10 am. Often on the table there is only coffee with milk or churros with hot chocolate. Lunch for the Spaniards is late by our standards - around 16:00. And if you show up at a cafe at noon, you can easily reveal that you are a foreigner.
papalars / Foter / CC BY-NDAccordingly, the desire to make money from tourists in restaurants awakens precisely at this time. By the way, lunch takes the Spaniards at least a couple of hours, after which the siesta continues with obligatory sleep. Only at 21:00 do the locals go out for dinner, but if you come at our usual time (19:00), you can catch puzzled looks and get leftovers from lunch instead of fresh dishes.
Watch what you wear
The heat and atmosphere of absolute relaxation are not a reason to violate etiquette. Unfortunately, many tourists in Spain freely walk the streets in swimsuits, go into shops and even restaurants in beachwear. On the beaches, no one limits the choice of vacationers, but off the coast (especially in rural areas) it is better to follow generally accepted rules. Another important point: when visiting church, you should take care of your appearance and avoid provocative images. In Spain they will not always make a remark regarding inappropriate clothing, but condemnation cannot be avoided.
Remember the siesta
Siesta time. Rambla in Tarragona For any resident of a southern country, siesta is part of their lifestyle. And for the sake of tourists, few people here give up the habit of having a leisurely lunch and getting plenty of sleep. Therefore, it is important to plan your day in Spain so as not to encounter a locked store door. It is better to go shopping by 19:00, when the heat subsides and sellers return to their usual schedule.
Don't rent a car to travel between major cities
In this case, the car becomes an additional load. Navigating through noisy cities and encountering emotional Spanish drivers on the roads will bring few pleasant moments. Most likely, in a large city you will not be able to find a good parking place, and you will have to use public transport to get around. And if you remember about the tolls that need to be paid on highways, renting a car can cost a lot of money. But when you plan to travel around the Spanish provinces and villages, the car will become a faithful friend on the way to vivid impressions.
Do not choose a hotel too far from the center
If the purpose of visiting a particular Spanish city is the desire to see the most interesting things, and there is not much time, it is better to choose a hotel as close as possible to the historical center. Otherwise, the road will take all your energy, and you still have a long walk to see the sights. As a rule, all the most interesting things are compactly located in the center. Hotels here are expensive, but in the surrounding areas the prices will please you.
Visit more than just big cities
Barcelona is the destination of most travelers. But you get more experience in quiet villages, which often remain underestimated. They also have many attractions, and prices for food or accommodation are several times lower. And don’t let the locals’ lack of knowledge of languages confuse you: you will be more impressed by such a trip.
Zaragoza (click to enlarge) For example, you can go to the village of Bagu with its castle ruins or the picturesque Albarracin, which consists almost entirely of attractions.
Don't expect bullfighting from Barcelona
Bullring in Valencia (click to enlarge) The firm belief that bullfighting can be seen in any city in Spain is a typical tourist misconception. Recently, Catalonia (and Barcelona in particular) has abandoned this bloody entertainment. Now fights are illegal here, but they still take place at different times in Alicante, Madrid, and Valencia.
I want to show the typical behavior of a “Russian in Turkey.” And Dima, the hero of yesterday's post "", will help me with this. He is not shy about getting on stage when others look down and look at their shoes. He takes pictures with camels, airplanes, local musicians and everything that represents local color from his point of view. He drinks in moderation and tries all the local delicacies. Dima is also a big child: naive, kind, very open, an adventure-seeking extreme sports enthusiast.
Dima seemed to me the personification of the stereotype of a tourist from Russia on vacation. Here's a look at a couple of photos...
It’s not enough for Dima to just take a photo with the water carriers. This needs to be done in an embrace, pulling the hat over yourself:
3. 
There aren't always enough hats. Sometimes he will take away the balalaika:
4. 
Classic of the genre - I'm on a camel:
5. 
Wait! What about the hat? Give it to me!
6. 
Goat in a tree? Miracles! Can we kiss?
7. 
No goats or camels? Okay, a dog will do too:
8. 
Sahara is ours!
9. 
I don’t leave home without a flag:
10. 
This is exactly how a Russian man enters the ocean:
11. 
At some point, I began to feel a slight envy of Dima’s ability to be surprised by the simplest, it would seem, things:
12. 
Great outfit: sandals with socks, shorts and a down jacket. The trouble is that Dima has an advantage. His suitcase weighs more than 30 kg. We need to post something:
13. 
A thermos of tea was found in the suitcase. His wife Irishka put it in a suitcase back in St. Petersburg. What did you think? Is it possible to send your husband to Africa without a thermos? Dima took it with him. And he also had 2 bottles of gray Moroccan wine rolling around in his half-empty but heavy suitcase. To my remark that they could break this way and that they should be wrapped in clothes, Dima answered simply and brilliantly: “They won’t break. They are strong!”
14. 
Is it possible to board a plane without taking a photo in front of it? And don’t ask me if Dima clapped his hands when landing:
15. 
This is the guy. Have you seen such tourists abroad? Is Dima really the personification of the stereotype of our tourist?